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It is not difficult to find a teen who feels that the rules at school have violated his or her rights, and rightly so because unfortunately for the students, the framers of their school's constitution carelessly neglected to follow the lead of the Constitution of the United States and include a simple set of guarantees to enumerate those rights and protect them from adult interference. As a remedy to this I propose the following set of amendments, to be known as the Bill of Rights for High School Students.
Amendment I
The Administration shall make no rule respecting the establishment of a code of dress prohibiting the free choice of items of clothing to be worn, or of the right to dine in classrooms.
Amendment II
Being necessary to receive important incoming calls, text friends, and take photographs, the right of the students to keep and bear cellular telephones shall not be infringed.
Amendment III
No security guard shall, in time of school hours, be quartered in any classroom, without the consent of the a two-thirds majority of the students in that classroom.
Amendment IV
The right of the students to be secure in their persons, lockers, papers, diaries, backpacks, and iPods against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated.
Amendment V
No student shall be held to answer for any misbehavior — including but not limited to tardiness, cutting class, dissing a teacher or administrator, defacing school property, or just generally being a pest — unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury of his peers; nor shall any student be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of disciplinary action; nor shall be compelled in any disciplinary proceeding to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, snack food, or iPod, without due process of law.
Amendment VI
In all disciplinary prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of peers of his grade level; to be confronted with the witnesses who seek to rat him out; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of his parents for his defense.
Amendment VII
Whereas this is the Seventh Amendment and that the number Seven is inherently lucky, the Administration shall make no rule infringing upon the rights of students to play games of chance, including but not limited to craps, blackjack, poker, spin-the-bottle, and Three-card Monte.
Amendment VIII
Excessive punctuality shall not be required, nor excessive homework imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments such as being sent to the principal's office inflicted.
Amendment IX
The enumeration in the school constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the students. (We have no concept whatsoever of what this might mean but it sounds like a good idea.)
Amendment X
The powers not delegated to the schoolteachers and administrators are reserved to the students.
